It’s time to ditch the please drink responsibly campaign. Asking Irish people to act Swiss around booze is like asking the Vikings to close the gate on the way out. After my holiday in Spain, I now know the campaign we need. Get Drunk Properly.

(more…)

I went to mass recently and opened my heart to the Lord. It was either that or storm out in fury, which wouldn’t have looked good seeing as it was a memorial mass for my father.

(more…)

Day 1, 10:24am: This morning I have already had a bowl of porridge, a yoghurt, a pear, a cup of coffee and a cup of tea. I’ve just opened a bag of fruit and nut mix and after that I’ll try some popcorn. This will bring me up to 11am. Then I’ll treat myself to either some of that cooked Spanish ham I got in Aldi or else one of their delicious chocolate caramel bars. If that doesn’t get me up to lunch time, I’ll get stuck into the Weetabix.

(more…)

My summer holidays are coming up. I spend my days looking forward to a week in the north of Spain. Then I go to bed and the dreams start.

These dreams follow pretty much the same script. They start out with me running late for my flight in a hot strange city. I’m almost out of money. Things go downhill from there. I get on the right bus but it is going away from the airport. I hop off and go into a shop to buy a salami sandwich and lemonade. The queue never moves.

(more…)

We’d be nowhere without our summer sports. Recession making you angry? Let it all out by going mental at a GAA match.  Bored housewife? Get an eyeful of foreign flesh during the World Cup. Raining outside? Watch Tiger Woods in The Open and see if you can catch him thinking about sex.

GAA Anger

Those who wonder why we don’t get as angry as the Greeks have obviously never been at a GAA match. There’s nothing off limits. While the soccer crowd chant and the rugby crowd sing together, a GAA crowd is nothing more than a collection of individuals going ape-shit in public.

(more…)